Making Up Stories

As I sit here at Panera, drinking coffee and listening to Sonic Youth, I'm noticing the interesting characters around me. On occasion, I've been known to make up stories in my mind about the various people sitting around me.

Today, there is an older couple sitting by the front door. I like to think that they are named Hugo and Bonquita. Hugo likes to do the crossword puzzle while Bonquita reads through the classifieds and takes more than her fair share of the "free samples" of the bagel of the day (has anyone else noticed that the free sample always seems to be the trail mix bagel?). Well, in my mind, I like to think that Hugo and Bonquita are sort of like Bonnie and Clyde...only slightly older. Hugo and Bonquita come to Panera in the morning to get juiced up for a full day of crime. Hugo is the muscle...Bonquita is the brains. Hugo knocks down doors and smashes in window to gain entry into homes, banks, and random local businesses. Bonquita is a master at figuring out safe locks and security system codes. Today, Hugo and Bonquita are planning out their crime schedule.

First, they are going to knock off the Burger King just outside of Panera. Quick and easy, they will play up the confused elderly role. Hugo will start to act confused, put on a kids Burger King crown and take over at the cash register...Bonquita will start yelling at him asking the manager to help her gain control of her husband. "He's easily confused. He worked for Burger King as a younger man and sometimes still thinks he runs the place." While the manager is distracted by Bonquita's pleas for help, Hugo will pocket all the cash in the register. You see, these aren't big dollar crimes...The take from the register will be a $223.37 (hardly worth the potential jail time). However, Hugo and Bonquita will hit two other Burger King's within the next hour.

After a successful run knocking off BK's in the greater Muncie area, Hugo and Bonquita have pocketed $723.45. Not bad for about an hours work. But, now, it's on to bigger things. This time, they will do a similar thing at the downtown Bank One, First Merchants, and Old National banks. Bonquita will play the role of a confused elderly woman who was once a bank teller. The tricky part with the banks are the security cameras directly behind the register. Well, Hugo and Bonquita have three sons...triplets...42 years old. And, they are all security guards. Guess where? Bank One, First Merchants, and Old National banks...downtown Muncie branches. Hugo will call each boy 1 minute prior to entering the bank. The boys will create a power surge that will knock out the security cameras for approximately 7 minutes. Hugo will begins to explain that his wife is confused...that she used to be a bank teller. In an effort to further confuse the tellers, Hugo will fake chest pains. Then, he will call out to Bonquita that he needs to get his pills and that the have to leave immediately. There take from all three banks was just under $2,500.

So, before noon, Hugo and Bonquita have pocketed around $3200...not bad. Tomorrow morning, Hugo and Bonquita will skip town, heading north to Mishawaka, Indiana. They will stop at the Panera Bread on Main Street and plan out their day. They will successfully knock off four Burger Kings and six banks before heading towards Grand Rapids, MI. And, Hugo and Bonquita will continue this path of crime for another 12 years...

On a cold winter day in Toronto, Hugo begins to fake a heart attack while he and Bonquita are knocking off a bank when he actually has a heart attack. Realizing that she is about to be caught for her crimes, Bonquita starts to run for the door. A security guard watched the whole thing go down. Knowing that he could be a hero in Canada and the United States, the guard draws his weapon and fires a shot at Bonquita. Aiming for her knee, the guard accidentally hits her in the head (you know the Canadians don't really use weapons too often). So, Hugo and Bonquita came to an end...as does my story about the old couple sitting by the front door at the Muncie Panera Bread.